Dream in a Private Bubble.

Onde o seu sonho é sempre mais que uma ficção!



Baseado na música "Say Something" da banda A Big Great World. 
Dê valor enquanto você ainda tem, 
perceber depois que perdeu não muda nada. 

O link oficial da música, com a parceria de Christina Aguilera: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-2U0Ivkn2Ds 



WHEN I MET YOU

“Hey! You. Please, can you help me?”

Jasmine looked over her shoulder. “Are you talking to me?”

“Yeah. Nobody here seems to have the decency to help the next one.” The man said exasperated.

She smirked. “Welcome to Cornell.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Yeah, thanks. Look. I’m looking for College of Arts and Sciences. Can you tell me where it is?”

“What do you study, exactly?”

“Music. I just got here from University of San Diego.”  

“Well, you’re lucky. That’s where I’m headed.” She grinned at his obvious relief. “I’m Jasmine, by the way. And you would be?” 

He looked at her hand and after a whole minute he held it, carefully. “Gale.”



I should have noticed on that moment, in that small but really important hesitation, that he was not an easy person. But if I had noticed, I’d not be telling this story now.



Say something
I’m giving up on you…


WHEN I LOVED YOU

The room was absent from light except from the candle above a table in a corner; the light was weak though, dying but still grasping for its last moments.

That was so convenient.

There was a couple lying on the bed. A ‘couple’ was what one would think considering they were lying together on the same bed. It’s funny how appearance can mislead one’s mind.

Jasmine had only her bra and panties on, lying on her side with her back to Gale. She thought he was asleep, that was why she let the tears fall, shaking her shoulders a little bit, but she put a stop to it quite soon.

He turned his head toward her, starting to reach out to touch her, but changing his mind haflway. He knew how much he was hurting her not giving her what she wanted and thought she needed, but at the end of the day, life was still a war. He wasn’t willing to sacrifice himself because of another one, just to be torn into pieces later. Sad, but it was true.

Jasmine rolled over and in an instant Gale closed his eyes again. She turned her head to look at him, sleeping peacefully for once, and wondered how she could feel so much while he wasn’t at all affected by it. Sometimes she got mad, sometimes she got miserable, sometimes she got so happy because of something he did she couldn’t believe how he could choose to turn his back to the possibilities.

The small gestures, the small touches, and things he did without noticing, like it was his second nature. His no nonsense attitude, his honest behavior and his clear eyes. The little things had made her fall for him, while she judged herself as fool because from the beginning she was the one who pushed a little, trying to get herself in his way enough so he could do the rest.

She knew him a little now, but not enough to fool herself she mattered that much that he would confide in her. What she knew everybody around them knew too. It was her who had climbed into bed with him, but the intimacy ended there. She had tried so much, so much, that now she was exhausted from it.

Gale had been too much trouble from the start, and to try so hard to change someone’s mind didn’t seem like her at all. But love had its own scheme of things. It seemed all for nothing, anyway, no matter what she had done, he was still the same. She had always known no one could make another change, but she had hoped to make him notice that was not her goal.

She had just wanted in a bit, not much. She was not asking for the moon and the stars, not the house in the suburbs with the white picket fence, not the kids running around the yard or the big stupid cute dog. She had just wanted a chance with the person, because it was for the person she had fallen for.


- Oh come on, don’t say you didn’t know about it. You pretty much know everything about me now. – Gale grinned at her, winking.

She looked from the ugly Scooby Doo sweatpants he owned to him back again. – You must be shitting me. How old are you?

- Twenty three.

- God, please, why do I even like you? – She blurred without thinking and felt, more than saw, that he closed up instantly.

He said nothing to that, preferring to just shake his head and let the subject die. It was always like that with Gale: one word he misconstructed, and they were back to square one. They could laugh, fuck, drink, smoke together, talk to a certain point, but damned if she could feel something. No, not that. Never that. 


Jasmine could hear the noise from the street outside; New York was alive at all times. She sat up, rubbing her eyes and her neck. She had a headache, but that was usual. What was with some people who just didn’t know how to handle being treated well?

Was there really harm so deep that love couldn’t reach? Not cure it exactly, but just, you know, show that was something beyond the hurt somewhere along the line. Maybe she wasn’t the person to do it. She had always believed that persistence was what made a relationship work, but maybe fate played the bigger part in it. Maybe she couldn’t reach him because she wasn’t supposed to.


I’m sorry that I couldn’t get to you…


Man, that hurt. The motherfucker was such a pain in the ass. Why did people care about it at all? What was the point of anything, even a feeling, if it was just one-sided? Experiences were always good to some extent, but enough was enough.  You could learn from pain, but she had had her share of it already.

She should just walk away, so why couldn’t she? She would get over it, get over him, move on, get to the next on the line. But how much would she have to lose before that happened? How much of herself she could afford to leave behind, with him?

Love did that to you, made you less egoistic, less individual, less proud.  It ripped you bare, made you show yourself and share yourself, while you just prayed it would do some good. That it would be for something. That you would have a piece of the other person in return. Not all of it, just something.

She stared at him again, wishing he would say something. Come on, Gale, wake up and ask me to stay. Just promise you will try and I can live with that. It’s already a start. Please, do not make me walk away. He didn’t open his eyes or move at all. Jasmine didn’t know how he could lie so peacefully when they were hanging on the edge of a cliff.


I’ll be the one if you want me to…


She looked around, at the room that was not her own. Gale didn’t have a roommate, so from the start he hadn’t had problems to keep his privacy. She had spent so much time there, but she never had felt comfortable. He hadn’t wanted her to be. Rarely had they slept together. They would have sex, oh yeah, sex they had. Adventurous, fast, sweet, aggressive, kind, hard, all kinds. And then it would be over, and he would close up more and more as the time passed by, until she understood it was time to go.

He had never asked her to leave, but he had never asked her to stay either.

Every time he would walk her to the door, and kiss her so deeply that she would each time get her hopes up that that night would finally be the night, but then he would let her go and say ‘Bye, have a good night’s sleep’, or ‘See you, beautiful’, or ‘Goodnight, doll’. And she would get back to reality, mumble something without really knowing what she had said, and go. Every time she had thought it was their last time together, that he had got his share of her. But for some reason, this had not happened yet.

“Hey…”

Jasmine startled, turning around to see that he was watching her. Knowing eyes. She was the most see-through person on the planet. She hadn’t had a problem with that until now.

“You all right?”

She nodded, looking away. “Just a headache.”

“I have aspirin if you want to…”

“No, that’s ok. It’s getting better already.” She gave him a small smile, lay down again and closed her eyes.

She was not always like that. It would be impossible to keep up the thing they had if she got emotional all the time. It was just that her best friend had gotten engaged. She had been so full of happiness when she told her, like if she could face the whole world now and win. She probably could. She had been so happy for her, but she had been so sad at the same time. Not jealous, just wishful. She also wanted that pure, marvelous happiness that you felt when you knew you were loved back.


Anywhere I would have followed you…


When she felt his lips on her shoulder, she opened her eyes again. She couldn’t have stopped her heart from racing even if her life depended on it.

He stroke her arm and asked suggestively. “Wanna a massage? You know you like my massages.”

Her lips curved and a tear dropped from her eye onto the pillow. “What’s it not to like?”

“Ouch.”

Jasmine shook her head and noticed the watch on the bedside table: it was 2 a.m. “I guess I can go already. Lily and her girlfriend are probably sleeping.”

She started to get up, but Gale took her arm. “Maybe they aren’t and you will interrupt something. I can make your head better. In fact…” He pushed her gently on the bed again and started kissing her neck. “I can make your whole body better.”

He could have made her heart better if he had said that he wanted her to stay.

“Come on, Jas. Don’t you think I’m good medicine?” He took her face in his hands and kissed her nose.

He had noticed she was not okay and probably knew why. She had mentioned her friend was getting married and he had rolled his eyes, ‘wondering why people still insisted on that’. She had answered bitterly ‘Maybe because they love each other. Marriage is not for everybody, but it is still for some people’. He had smirked in a sarcastic way and nodded. There were some times she wondered why she liked him.

Sex was Gale’s way to convince her to stop being ‘so damn emotional’ and roll on with it. It was not exactly working, but her body responded to him too fast and too often.

He stared at her eyes, waiting for her to grin and nod and become Jasmine again. She didn’t do it.

They kept looking at each other for a long time. They had barely an inch between their faces and even so, Jasmine couldn’t read his eyes at all. The more she stared, the less she knew.


And I’m feeling so small
I’m still learning to love
Just starting to crawl… 


She reached behind him, holding and rubbing the back of his neck. Sex with him was the only thing she understood. She was starting to think it was the only thing they had. The only thing they would ever have.

She pulled him toward her and immediately Gale leaned in, touching her lips with his. The following part was easy. They had danced this rhythm too many times before and knew the steps by heart. Some times he had led, other times she had. They had always got the steps right though. He undressed her with little effort, and he slipped inside her with even lesser effort.

This I know. Not the rest. This is easy. The rest is not.

Every time they made love, it was like they were connected not only by their bodies, but also by the breathing, the thoughts, and the touches. They had really good chemistry. The best, everybody said so. When they were together sparks flew.

Did it matter?

Gale took her hand, intertwined their fingers, he always did that when he felt the pleasure building too high. He pressed his lips to her temple, breathing against her cheek, murmuring against her ear. She knew he would do that before he did it. I know you too well, and I don’t know you at all.

He smiled against her skin, a grin she knew was half mischievous half gentle; his other hand coming between them, against her, spinning the world even more, making everything even hotter, making her even madder. She gasped his name. Her eyes watered again.

The little fuckers slipping against her cheeks, accusing her thoughts, her feelings, her decision. She wasn’t sure he noticed. She wasn’t sure he cared.

He held her while she trembled, while she tried to catch her breath and stop the tears. He held her for a long time after that, stroking her side and her arms and her belly – he paid more attention to the belly ‘cause he knew she was ticklish, they had that in common -, kissing her forehead, her nose, her cheeks, her mouth. He liked sleeping with her. He liked it too much. That’s why he rarely did it.

He slept. She felt it as soon as he did. She had not closed her eyes. And she knew she wouldn’t. The hours passed. She turned her head, checked the clock: 6 a.m. Gale had an internal clock, he would soon wake up. She took a deep breath; her hand was still buried in his hair. She loved stroking his hair.

He was lying almost on top of her, he liked to spread himself around when he slept, and it was difficult to get up because of that, but she did. Jasmine quickly put her clothes on, not caring to brush her hair. She did the last things she had to and she walked to the door. She wouldn’t look back. She wouldn’t.

Of course she did. She was not that strong. 

His lips were parted and moving; on the few times they had slept together, he had mumbled in his sleep. She crossed the room, leaned against him and touched his lips with her finger. Then his chin, the place on his right cheek where his dimple appeared when he grinned, his nose, his left ear, his closed eyes. She told herself she would look at him for one more minute. Just one more. She bit her lip. His chest rose and fell. Rose and fell. Rose and fell. His eyelids flurried.  Rose and fell. Rose and fell. She was absolutely fascinated with his breathing. Love, nothing could make you as much pathetic. 

Or as much broken.  

Her minute was up.



You’re the one that I love
And I’m saying goodbye… 



Something’s wrong

Gale opened his eyes. 

“Jasmine?”

Of course he knew she was not there. He always knew when she was in a room. And she wasn’t. He got up. He was naked but it didn’t mean a thing. He went to the bathroom, expecting to be pissed because the damn toothbrush she always forgot to take back would be standing next to his.

But it wasn’t.

He stared at the empty space for a long time, cleared his throat. She had remembered that time. He went to take a piss, getting irritated. She did not have to make a statement leaving before he woke up, he had known she was pretty mad last night but it was not as if he could do something about it. Oh well, actually he had done, four times and with six orgasms, fuck you very much.

“Damn it! Fuck this.”

He didn’t understand why the fuck he was so mad, but he had the right. He assumed he had the right. He would just take a damn shower and calm the fuck down. And go talk to her. Oh, well, damn it all to hell. 

He reached for the shelves beside the mirror and noticed he had forgotten to buy soap the day before. Again. He groaned. He would just use the soap Jasmine kept in the damn ‘bag of necessities’ she insisted on taking with her everywhere she went… He reached for it next the faucet but it wasn’t there. 

“She must have taken it with her. No big deal.” He said firmly to himself. 

He couldn’t take a decent shower without some damn soap. He didn’t have any coffee also, because the last time Jasmine had bought it for him, he had gotten mad about it, and now he had forgotten to buy, and then he would have to start the day without a damn cup of coffee… 

Why the fuck had she gone? 

He pick up his pants from the floor, searching through its pockets for his cell phone, and putting the jeans on. He called her; it rang and rang and rang, making him even more anxious and irritated.  

Hey, you reached Jasmine. You can leave a… Oh, well, you’re smart and you know what to do. I’ll call back…’

“If I wanted to leave a damn message, I would text, damn it!”

He called her room; he wasn’t sure what was the hurry, but he needed to talk to her right that very minute.

“Do you know what time it is?” Lily answered in a grumpy voice.

“It’s Gale. Put Jasmine on the phone, please.”

“Oh, it’s you. Asshole. I was sleeping. And she’s not here.”

“Lily, I’m not in the mood. I need to talk to Jasmine right now.”

Lily yawned. “Have you tried her cell?”

Gale cursed. “Do you think I’m a moron?”

“I guess you don’t want me to answer that.” 

“Put her on the fucking phone.”

When she noticed he was a bit desperate, she took a deep breath. “Look, I’m serious. She’s not here. Maybe she went for a walk or something. Have you two had a fight?”

“No!”

“It certainly seems so.”

“When she comes back, tell her to call me.”

“Yeah, fine.”

“No, you’re not getting it. I’ll be waiting. You tell her I’ll be waiting.”

“Fine, Gale. I’ll tell her to call you. Can I go back to sleep now?”

“Yeah… Yeah. Thanks.”

**

Lily pressed a finger to her temple and stared at Jasmine, from across the room. “He says he’s waiting for you to call him.”

“And that’s always been the problem.”

“Oh, well, technically, he called you first.” Lily pointed out. Jasmine shook her head, lay down on the bed and stared at the ceiling. Her girlfriend Layla raised an eyebrow at her. She sighed. “Jas, you know I’m one hundred percent on your side. And you should have ended things long before this. Gale is not worth it.”

“I know.” She whispered.

Layla shook her head in disappointment. Lily cursed. “Hell, I’m not good at this stuff.”

Layla got up, went to Jasmine’s bed and cupped her cheek. “You want some pancakes, sweetie? I’ll go buy some.”

“No, thanks, Layla. I’m not hungry.”

“Did I mention I was going out for chocolate pancakes?”

Jasmine smiled sadly. “I adore you.”

“That’s all they say.”

**

She had not called back.

Gale had known she wouldn’t. He had known as soon as he had got off the phone with Lily and noticed the small note lying on the bed. He remembered how it had been difficult to walk those steps toward it.

He had sat down, he had taken the note, and he had crushed it with his hand.

Be happy.

She was not being ironic or cruel. That was not Jasmine. What she said, she meant it. What she wrote, she meant it. He knew that. That’s why as soon as he read it, his anger faded away.

He had forgotten it was Jasmine.

It was over. He had understood that, even with only two words. Jasmine was probably in her room. Lily had probably lied to him. Scratch the ‘probably’.

It was just a damn mess.

That’s why he had wanted to stay friends. That’s why he had insisted on staying friends. But she had gone and started tempting him, because she wanted him and she was going to get him. She did. And she complicated the whole thing and now he was going to have to stay without her.

Why did she have to complicate the whole thing?

He pressed his fingers against his eyes. “Damn it, Jasmine.”

He lay down, knowing he was looking ridiculous, and then knowing nothing at all because he felt her scent on the pillow. He hadn’t wanted her scent on his pillow.

“I didn’t want any of this. I didn’t.”  

He stared at the door. The damn door. The note, the small piece of paper, felt heavy on his hand, but not heavier than his heart.



A CHOICE. 


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